Monday, December 2, 2013


There isn't another perfect title to this post right now other than "chaos!" It seems like there's no time for anything lately and I'm extremely worn out. The boys use to get along so well and were each others little best friends and then all of a sudden sibling rivalry had to make it's debut. It happens in all homes watch out! It's coming! They argue over tiny little things such as trains, cars, who gets to sit beside mom or dad, etc. Then there are the big fights in which they chase each other throughout the house and both are crying hysterically. Fun times, here! They'll eventually work their kinks out..but in the meantime, these chaotic days are stressing me out. I wake up at 4:45am and usually go to bed with the boys around 8:00ish. Toby isn't sleeping all night and usually has crying spells which can last all night long. I'm already sleep deprived so I should totally be ready for Bailee when she gets here! (crossing my fingers that she'll be a sleeper!)

I can't even believe I have ten weeks left before baby girl is born. TEN weeks! This pregnancy has flown by. I go on Friday, Dec 6, for my Rhogam shot & glucose testing. I passed with Noah but failed with Toby so we'll see how it goes this time. When I failed with Toby, I visited a nutritionist and checked my blood sugars several times a day for a few months and all numbers remained normal, thankfully. I am hoping to pass it this time around so I can skip the weekly visits and the multiple finger sticks a day, but i'm not too stressed about it at this point. Just ready for February and super ready to see our sweet girl!

Christmas is literally right around the corner and I was able to get a few things checked off our list last Friday. Not much, but it's a start. We aren't going to have a huge pile of presents this year but that's ok because the boys aren't really into a variety of things anyway. They tend to play with the same exact things over and over. Caleb and I don't do Christmas for each other - haven't in a very long time. We focus on the boys and make sure their morning is filled with happiness! It's not about the gifts but rather about the love we all have for each other. I'm so thankful for our family and our little home because at the end of the day that's all that matters.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Oh, Baby!

On Thursday, September 19th, we found out the gender of baby #3. We went to a private ultrasound clinic called Cloud Nine & it was the most amazing experience. I wish I had known of this place when I was expecting the boys. Caleb, Toby, my mom, and my grandmother went with me. I kind of didn't want to find out because the excitement of not knowing was kinda better to me than actually knowing! Sounds strange, I know. I had really made peace with the fact that baby was a surprise and we knew God had bigger plans. We were hoping for a baby girl but also knew it was likely that we would carry on the boy trend. Within the last month and a half I was actually excited at the fact that it could be a boy! I love our two so much that I knew I would love another just the same. I had no intuition or any kind of inkling as we were walking through the doors of Cloud Nine. I laid down and felt the warm gel on my belly and as the wand made it's way to the left side of my belly..there he or she was! So tiny and precious. Then we saw the little bottom and the babies legs/knees. The tech said she had a "guess" but that she never tells anyone if it's a guess. Said the cord was too close for comfort and that she couldn't see defined parts of either. So I went to pee. I came back and in the same position we saw the same thing..except the cord was gone and the baby had it's little legs opened more. Her words were "Yep, I knew it! It's a LUCY!!!" (More on why she said "Lucy", later). While everyone in the room with me (Except for Toby..he was oblivious) was crying, I laid there stunned. I think the first words that came out of my mouth were "wait..WHAT?!" And the second thing I said was "Are you sure?" She then flipped the u/s to 3D and that was amazing! She also took so many potty shots from different angles to prove to me that she in fact..was a she! I asked if I could announce it to family and friends. The answer was Yes! I asked if I could tell Noah when he got home from school. Again, the wonderful tech said Yes! So then I asked if I could buy all things girl! YES! It's safe to say I spent the rest of that day in shock. I am very excited and happy and I wake up every morning wondering if that moment was a dream. Even though I didn't have an inkling as to what the gender was, I really thought I would remain an all boy mom...and I became fine with that idea. Now that we're having a little! It's weird though because I feel like I need more proof. Even though the "white lines" and the "hamburger" showed wonderfully between her legs, I still want more proof that a penis isn't going to grow! lol. It's not, I know that. But it's just a surreal feeling to know that my heart desired a daughter so badly, I got pregnant "accidentally"..and God had heard my heart and now we're here.

I had waited all day long to tell Noah that he was finally going to have a little sister! He got home from school and I handed him the envelope of the u/s photos with the words "It's a Girl". I told him to read it out loud. He very patiently looked around on the photos for the words and when he saw it he smiled so big and said "IT'S A GIRL!!!" Then he looked at her 3D image, pointed at it and said "Aww, there she is!!" That was the best moment of the entire day. When he speaks about his "little sister" my heart just melts. He has wanted this for so long.

Toby still doesn't even realize there's a baby coming and frankly I don't think he cares. The reason the tech said "Yep, it's a Lucy!" is because that's all Toby kept saying when we told him we were going into that dark room to watch "the baby" on the big screen tv. He calls Lucy, our chihuahua, a baby. So he kept chanting "Lucy" the whole time we were watching the baby on the screen. haha! It's cute I think.

I had an appointment with my OB the next day, Friday. I had still not gained any weight so far. Her Heart rate was at 146 and strong and I had labs done to detect any abnormalities. Hoping I don't get a call about those results. No news is good news they said. I go back October 11th to count the heart chambers and all the important stuff..and yes, I will ask to see another potty shot! ha!

Sunday, August 25, 2013


We went to Noah's brand new school last Thursday to see the inside of the school (gorgeous!) and to meet his teacher. Funny thing is he has the same teacher that he had last year! She moved from 1st grade at the other school to 2nd grade at the new school. What are the odds of that happening? I'm excited for Noah to begin a new year in a brand new school, yet a little worried that they may not have it all together since it's their grand opening. I'm sure it'll be fine though! He's excited and will start on Tuesday 8/27.
 Toby wanted so badly to be in the pre-k rooms there. He went inside one and didn't want to leave. I can't wait for him to have that opportunity next year!

In 5 days we may be finding out the gender of #3. A little apprehensive but I think if I go ahead and find out then I won't have to wonder every single day of the week. Hoping for pink but being realistic about the possibility of hearing blue. :)

This pregnancy has been okay. I stopped having queasy spells quite a few weeks ago so I'm glad about that. Only thing is I am starting to have daily headaches and I'm not sure why. Otherwise I feel normal. Just stressed about other things and I tend to let everything else pile up on top of the stress I already carry around. This too shall pass, I guess.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I may be weird..

Forgive my last blog post. It was a lame attempt to catch up on many months. It may not make sense and there may be many errors, but who cares!

I may be weird because tonight I wrote a letter to my future self. Who does that? Me, apparently. I may or may not share that letter here on my blog in a couple of months..but we'll see.

I had my first prenatal appointment at the beginning of the month. According to my last monthly, I was going into the doctor as being eight weeks pregnant. I had all the fun stuff done first..ya know, poking, prodding, and things going up in places that I would love to forget about. Then came the ultrasound. The moment where Caleb and I would get to see our 8 week old little alien baby! We couldn't wait to see it's little alien head and arm buds coming from it's tiny little body. The moment of truth came and a baby popped up on the u/s screen. "Wait!"...I said. "That's a BABY!". Well, duh you big dummy. I said that because I thought we were going to see the beginnings of a baby..not an actual fetus with arms and legs and a normal-ish looking head. The tech was even surprised and said "you're further along than everyone thought!" I was actually going into my eleventh week. Wow! The heartbeat was good and strong - 170bpm. I was actually very excited about this pregnancy at that point! I still have days where I'm not so excited. The boys are fighting and my house is a wreck, there isn't enough closet space, not enough room, how will we ever afford it? You know, those crazy things most of us think about during times like that. But you know what, we'll make it. My house may be a wreck sometimes..but we work together and straighten it back up. We may not have enough space but I am learning better organizational skills and we'll find places for everything we need.. We may not be rich, but we can raise one more child and be just fine.

So many changes since my last post...

I almost don't even know where to begin...I guess sort of where I left off, huh.

We had a great Halloween 2012 and went trick-or-treating with our neighbor friends. The boys had a great time and so did we. We stock up on the candy but we never really eat it! Noah was batman while Toby was Spiderman. The two cutest little super heroes ever. That November, we had a great Thanksgiving with our family and for the first time ever, both boys stayed overnight with my parents while Caleb & I stood in long lines on Black Friday to get the boys their Nook Color's for Christmas. It was worth it. We had the best time that night and really enjoyed ourselves in the midst of all that madness!

And then here comes December 2012. . .
It all started out amazing. For the first time ever, we had a real Christmas tree. I refused to use store bought decorations because I thought it would be so much fun to make our own ornaments and have a traditional, old school type of Christmas tree! I made cinnamon ornaments, dried orange peels with decorative string, plus lots more things. It turned out so great! Toby ate a few of the ornaments over those few weeks, things were "accidentally" knocked off the tree and were broken, and the lights were barely hanging on the branches come Christmas morning. I didn't care one bit! It's their tree! They're only little once and I was refusing to be upset. We had an amazing Christmas morning and the boys were so excited over all their gifts. We went to my parents house and opened more gifts and spent some time with them. I had told Caleb how I felt great things were in store for us for the up and coming new year. How I couldn't wait to start fresh and feel more excited about life! I was ready to let the past couple of years go and start over. God brought us through very hard times (job) but He didn't fail us and made sure Caleb found the perfect job for him. I was having medical issues, which I think was related to the amount of stress I was constantly under. Very hard times. But...I was ready to let go and be happy & feel like I deserved to be happy.

 Fast forward to December 30th. One of the worst days of my life. Noah and I had been sick for a couple of days and was just starting to feel better. We were getting ready to go out and order take-out from our favorite Japanese place. I walked outside and my phone rang. My grandmother had called to tell me that my cousin, who was only 49, had passed away the day before. Everything began to spin. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak..and I surely couldn't believe what I was hearing. I hung up and immediately wanted to call her cell phone, to hear her say "hello". . to prove that it was some sick joke. It wasn't a sick was true. I took back everything I had said about me deserving happiness. I immediately became depressed. I couldn't even say goodbye to her at the funeral home - I was too devastated to even go. I couldn't watch her be buried either. She was one of the best people I know. She was one of my very best friends. She knew my soul and I knew hers. I stayed at her house as a kid and we would have so much fun together and even as an adult. We had so much in common. We thought alike and we could even finish each other's thoughts. I felt what she felt and vice versa. How could I lose someone that special to me? And most importantly, what happened? Still to this day, I have no idea. Her death certificate still reads as pending. Although my heart was shattered, God allowed me to have peace with her death. .I won't explain how, but I do know and feel in my heart that she is finally OK and God saved her.

Even though I didn't say my good byes at the funeral home, I did say them in other ways. I went to her house one last time. I was also up in her bedroom alone looking at the bed she took her last breath in. .and I didn't cry. I couldn't. I knew she was where she needed to be. In the arms of Jesus. I got a few of her dishes and in a pile of "trash", I recovered her journals. The last months of her life weren't the easiest, according to her journals..but one thing is for certain, she got it right. She will forever be in my heart.

January-May 2013
We didn't do very many things in the winter months but around  May we went on quite a few little mini vacations with our boys. We took them to Nashville for one night. We went to the Zoo and also to the Rainforest Cafe - best place to eat!! So entertaining and most importantly, the kids didn't have to be shushed the whole time we were there. .kids are allowed to be kids. Another weekend in May we went overnight and visited The Tellus Museum. That was such a fantastic museum. We dug for dinosaur fossils and shark teeth, panned for gold, and got to see huge dinosaur models. The boys loved it!

June 2013
Caleb and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, which also happens to be my birthday. I turned 30 this year!! My parents agreed (Second time ever!) to keep both boys and allow us to go away for TWO NIGHTS. It was the most exciting time for us. We don't do date nights, we never have babysitters, and we definitely never have nights alone in our own bed. We left on a Friday night and arrived at our fabulous cabin in the Smokey Mountains. Ahh, it was breathtaking. We soaked in the hot tub while it rained. .and our view was amazing. We relaxed and reminisced a little. It was an amazing and well deserved weekend.
 Oh, did I mention that a week before that we had firmly made our decision on not having anymore babies? Yep, we did.

July 2013
We left for a whole week and headed to Athens, GA. We stayed with his parents for a few days and while it wasn't the best getaway, at least we weren't stuck at home. July 2, I realized I had not started my period, which was weird because I was on the pill and it had me on a regular 28 day cycle. I had been slightly queasy and not feeling like myself, but I chalked it up to pms. I then realized I was five days late. Even though I "knew" I wasn't pregnant, I had Caleb pick me up a cheapo dollar store test..ya know..just to prove that I wasn't. As soon as I peed on that thing it became clear to me that I was definitely pregnant. I remember going in circles in that tiny little bathroom at his parents house..trying to breathe. Trying to understand how this could have happened. Only 1-3% of women get pregnant while on the pill. That couldn't be me! (We had a hard time conceiving Toby...took us years and I wasn't even on the pill then!) I slung open the bathroom door and squealed out something that was suppose to resemble "Caleb!"...and here he came. I couldn't even speak. I just showed him the test and his immediate response was excitement! WHAT?! I couldn't even breathe and he was celebrating. He kept telling me God has a bigger than ours..and he's right. I just couldn't process that at the moment. I called my mom. I was trying to be calm but I broke into was one of those ugly cries, too. She calmed me down and acted excited and told me that it happened for a reason and only God knows why! For me to stay calm and just be excited for this new little gift we were give. For the next couple of days I was in a fog. Heck, sometimes I still find myself walking through that same fog!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

It's Fall, Ya'll!!

Fall: My most favorite time of year! It puts me in the best moods, even if things get crappy. And lets face it, no one ever has a perfect week. I sure as hell don't. I want to be the perfect mom, wife, house keeper, cook, launderer, etc - but shit happens. Sometimes I yell at my kids, sometimes I don't have supper waiting on the table for Caleb when we gets home from a long day at work, sometimes I burn whatever it is i'm cooking, and sometimes I forget to put clothes in the dryer and they sour in the washing machine. Sometimes I even forget to buy dog food and I have to feed my dogs a piece of bread. But ya know the end of that very long craptastic day everyone still loves me! I realize I don't have to be perfect and I know not every day will be a fun-filled day with smiles, hugs & kisses. That's okay. I do the best I can with what I have and I start the next day over and it's all okay. How did I go from Fall weather to all that? Who knows. I write whatever comes out of my fingertips...

Noah is still doing great in the First Grade and made 105 on his spelling test last week! Super proud of him! Toby is talking more and loves school busses. Thats all he talks about and heaven forbid we see a lot of them while waiting at the school -- oh my. He will scream out "bus" over and over. But it's cute.

Caleb is still loving his job and I love it, too. Sometimes I don't like being away from him for the short time that he's away..but it's all worth it. He works 4 on 3 off and it's wonderful. We have Wednesday and weekends together. Love it!

We got a new boy Guinea Pig yesterday and we named him Teddy. Cowboy loves him and they purr and cuddle. They were popcorning all over their cage last night and it was the cutest thing ever. Cowboy is definitely a lot happier than he was!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Busy Busy!

Noah started First Grade on September 4th and he's doing great! He had his very first spelling test last Friday and made a 90! I'm so very proud of him! He has his moments where he doesn't want to cooperate before school but once we're on our way he's perfectly fine. I think all children have those moments - I sure did! Toby turned 2 on September 1 and we had a small birthday gathering here at our house. Nothing big as they aren't really in partying moods at this age lol. I love parties and I go all out while party planning so I do feel a little guilty for not having him a big party..but he enjoyed himself here at the house so I'm trying to not let it get to me. The boys are doing really well at bedtime and I usually have them both in bed by 9 or 9:30. Sometimes 8:30..just depends on how the day went. I can't believe how easy it is! I figured I would have a fuss but it's been pretty pleasant. I'm keeping Toby on his routine while Noah is in school and he is usually napping by 11a. I can either choose to tidy up the house or nap with him...and I usually choose the latter! haha. I have never gotten to nap in my adult life. Ever. Noah never napped and stayed awake 12 hrs+ even at newborn. Now I'm taking advantage! I nap whenever I get the chance and it feels wonderful!

I had my yearly today and my doctor asked me when I was planning on having baby #3. It caught me off guard because I've had it in my head that we're not going to try again. I tried talking the doctor out of me having a baby (LOL!) and basically all I got was an eye roll and a statement that pretty much went along the lines of "you have an almost 7 year old and a 2 year old. You're healthy almost 30 and I say go for #3!!".. Umm...reallly? Did I just hear someone try and talk me into having another baby? lol. I was so sure that we were finished that I didn't even know what to say or how to feel. It was weird. I went ahead and got a refill for another 12 mo of Orho Tri-Cyclen and I guess we'll see what lies in the future. Part of me doesn't want to get that filled, another part of me wants to continue taking it until I make a firm decision. However, I'm only getting older and if I keep waiting then I may be waiting forever lol. I also know that even though there is a high chance of me having boy #3  (I'd love him just as my other two boys) I just reallyyyyyy really want a daughter. I have c-sections so I do know that baby #3 would definitely be it for us. I'm so confused....